Penance
by Pichi Wo
Summary: After finding out that he's stolen all of Havoc's grilfriends for two years, Roy makes a promise he regrets later... Eventual JeanRoy.


Penance

Jean Havoc was mightily pissed.

Fourth girlfriend in as many months. All stolen. Just when he thought Lady Luck was on his side, Roy Mustang had stolen her too. _Bastard_...

Havoc hadn't had a third date in two _years_ starting last week, and only three seconds. Each and every one of his girlfriends had left him... for Mustang. Frankly, Havoc was growing tired of the abuse, the rejection... and the forced celibacy. Did Roy think he was the only man in Central with a libido?

So there was only one thing to do, right? Direct confrontation. No problem. Uh-uh.

Shit, this wasn't gonna be pleasant...

So, to muster his courage, Jean paced outside the door and smoked a cigarette. Evidently, some of the smoke seeped through the door jam, because after a few minutes, Roy called out, "Havoc? What is it?"

Jean took a deep breath, came reasonably close to inhaling his cigarette, and barged through the door.

SLAM!

---------

BANG!

Roy jumped a little at the abruptness of the sound, and glanced upwards to see a pissed, if nervous, Havoc storm in.

"Careful, that door's just wood," quipped Roy. Then he winced inwardly. Could he ever be serious for more than three seconds at a time?

Havoc was not amused. All traces of nervousness gone, he snapped, "Oh, sorry. Should I have brought an axe?"

_Not as smooth as it could've been..._ "Only if you promised not to put it through my head first. What's wrong?"

Jean slammed his hands onto the desk and leaned over, getting up into Roy's face. "You stole my girlfriend."

Roy inhaled the scent of smoke. "Gladys? She was your girlfriend?"

Havoc retreated a little, uncertainty seeping into his posture. "You didn't know?

"She didn't say anything to me about it."

He paused, and the stench of tobacco in the air lessened along with his breath patterns. Then his brows furrowed once more. "Alright. What about Jezebel? I _told _people that I was dating her!"

Roy chuckled, and admitted, sheepishly, "Okay, so that I did on purpose." He straightened his face then, and glanced back up at Havoc. "Where are you going with this?"

"Every girlfriend I've had for the past two years."

Roy had a little trouble believing his first interpretation of that sentence."_What_?"

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"_What_?"

Jean ground his teeth. "You've stolen every girlfriend I've had for the past two _years_. I don't know whether you did it on purpose or not-"

Roy, eyes widening, completely flabbergasted, stammered out, "No! Of course not!"

Havoc paused, a little perturbed by Roy's reaction.

Roy continued, a little frantically, "I'd never do something like that to a guy on _purpose_! Havoc, I'm so, so sorry!"

Havoc opened his mouth, to say it wasn't a big deal, but resisted that impulse, and glared at Roy instead.

Roy deflated, visibly ashamed of himself. Havoc felt horrible, and had to keep reminding himself that _he_ was the injured party.

He straightened up, and stared impassively down at the defeated man in front of him.

Roy, in response, dropped himself onto the desk, forehead resting on the back of his hands. "What... what can I do?"

Havoc remained silent, feeling like the cruelest man in the world.

"...what could... how could I possibly apologize?" This at a whispered monotone.

Havoc, restraining the desire to start apologizing himself, thought for a moment.

A cruel thought entered his head, one that he normally wouldn't even have considered- but he had _already _ reduced the infamous Roy Mustang to tears. How much worse could it get?

So Havoc looked down into Roy's upraised eyes, and felt a diabolical smirk crawl onto his face. "Go without women for a whole month."

Roy paused, and intoned, "You're kidding."

Havoc kept the smirk on his face. He could get used to this.

Roy sighed, then settled back into his head-on-the-desk position. "Don't be ridiculous. Do you seriously think I'm so horny that I couldn't manage it?"

"Say all you want, your shoulders say it hurts."

Roy shrank visibly, and Havoc noticed how thin and childlike he looked. How much of Roy was just a false front?

Havoc forced the thought of his head, and left the room.

And behind him, the door went

_Click!_

---------

_Click._

It was an hour or two later when someone walked into the room, and Roy couldn't bring himself to look up to see who it was.

The mystery man paused, then said in a concerned voice, "Roy?"

_Maes. Oh, dear, lord._

The Lieutenant Colonel pulled a chair over to the desk, then repeated, "Roy."

Roy remained still, composing himself.

"Roy? Talk to me."

Roy lifted his head, a sleepy expression on his face. He pretended to suddenly recognize Hughes, and then smiled contentedly. "Oh, hey, Maes. Sorry, just drifted off for a bit there..."

"_Bull_shit."

The smile hovered over Roy's face for a few seconds, and then he dropped it, as well as his head, onto his fist. "Maes..."

"Yes, that's right. Tell me all about it."

Roy frowned at his pain-in-the-ass best friend, and sighed. "Only if you promise to stop the 'caring uncle' act."

Maes' condescending smirk vanished. "Go on."

Roy slumped, and didn't speak for a couple of minutes. Hughes followed his lead.

Then , Roy began speaking in a low, tired voice.

"I just found out from Havoc that I've managed to steal every girl he's dated for the past two years."

Hughes hid his smile very well, but not well enough. Roy could predict his amusement with or without looking up.

"Don't you dare laugh, Maes. You've only dated one girl all your life. You don't have any clue what having your girlfriend stolen feels like. It makes you feel like the most worthless, unattractive, boring person in the world. It feels like everything you have is subject to theft and trampling. It makes you feel friendless and alone, and I'd rather go dateless that have it happen to me. _Any_ day."

Hughes became serious once more.

"And I just did that to every girlfriend Jean's ever hooked, for two whole years, and for all that time, he didn't even confront me about it once. I'm not worth a friend like that."

Maes' eyes softened, and he breathed out through his nose, feeling heavy as lead.

Then, for the first time in the conversation, Roy looked up, thoroughly aggrieved. "And just to add insult to injury, he made me swear off women for a month!"

The Lieutenant Colonel's face brightened with surprise, and he started laughing, first in incredulous little giggles, then finally in head-back roars.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" shouted Roy. Then his honest streak tugged on his ear, and he sighed. "Alright, so it's funny, but not to me. No sex for a month?"

Hughes stopped laughing, but the smirk remained. "That's why I keep telling you- _get a wife_!"

Roy's eye twitched, and he snapped. Literally.

Several seconds later, Hughes got up off the ground, and sat in his rapidly cooling chair.

Roy spat out, "I keep telling you to quit that." He paused. "Besides, I can't get a wife without dating first. And I've just been sworn off women.

A even wicked-er smiles blossomed onto Maes' mouth. "There _is _a fairly simple short-term solution to that..."

Roy paused. "What's that?"

Hughes allowed his lips to part, and reveal his teeth. "You could just go after _men_..."

There was a silence of several minutes.

Which was broken, in a monotone, by Roy. "You're serious, aren't you."

In response, Hughes tipped his head back and roared with evil, evil laughter.

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A/N: The last section subtly switches point-of-view twice.


End file.
